so I recently got a new phone and made a new snapchat. no it wasn't meant to catfish anyone. the camera quality is better on my new note 4. yes I know that there are better note phones but this is the last one where you can take out the battery. so I added and deleted and added snapchat boy ( see previous story for more details). he finally responded and even though he yelled at me it felt so good to talk to him again even if he didn't know who I was. he asked if I was a guy and I told him no but you hate me. I don't know what I was thinking. I thought maybe I can talk to him and get him to like me and then tell him who I am but it never got to that because he said deuces so I told him who I was. we haven't spoken since and I guess it's for the best leave the past in the past. I just missed him sometimes. no one ever sticks around in my life longer than 4 months ( my longest relationship was 3 months around around quarter ). obviously it's me but if they don't even like me than I don't want them to stay around regardless
Friday, July 21, 2017
Saturday, April 1, 2017
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
he snapped himself out of my life
we first spoke on snapchat. it wasn't love at first sight but he did grow on me over time. I thought maybe he might like me. boy was I wrong. he was so adorable and nerdy. it was so cute. I knew something was wrong when he asked me to send him what he thought I had sent him before. that was the first clue. it all changed after that he got all wierd and angry. I still wanted him even though he said to me what he said to everyone else. he was a great distraction from the last guy I hoped we could have been friends. but he turned out to be like every other guy wanting pictures or nothing at all. I picked the latter and we were over just like that. I thought I was over him but I still think about him sometimes. it's hard when you fall for someone so quickly and they shove aside just as fast. we only knew each other for a month but that month was the happiest one I've had in a long time. I just wish it could have worked out but he blocked me now. apparently I have issues but as julia said you have them too. sometimes I wonder if I'm sabotaging myself because I like the pain but why would someone cause themselves pain. I miss him but it's over I'll move on soon but know I will dwell
I won't say it
it's been awhile since I've posted here. so many guys have come and gone. so many tears have left me. every guy I ever loved has made me feel this way. the way a deer feels as she sees her mother fall to the ground as blood spills out of the hole that was where the bullet hit. the same way a child feels walking alone in a great mall looking for her lost mother. the same way we all felt when bernie lost the election. I thought he liked me at least in the beginning but he never did and never will. he only wanted me for the night. if I knew at that time that it would be the last time he ever looked at me like that I wouldn't have pushed him away. I would have held on to that moment until dawn when I couldn't hold on anymore. when sleep took hold of me and time stood still for in our dreams we can do anything.