You'll be ok

it has been a fortnight and im still not over him.  He ghosted me at least that's what I think he did.  He hasn't answered my texts and my calls go straight to voice mail so he probably blocked me.  I don't understand I thought we were getting along I fell asleep for two hours it must be something I did when I was sleeping.   Or the fact that we were both really drunk and he got sober before me and realized I'm "ugly".  We got along so well I don't understand what I did wrong.  If I was needy it was because I knew this would happen.  That he would never contact me again and I wanted those moments to last forever.  It hurts to breathe sometimes when I think about him.  It was only for a few hours but It felt like so much longer.  It was ten hours.  I gave up ten hours of my life that I thought could lead to something.  Not like a relationship ,although that did cross my mind once or twice, but a friendship.  We could of had brunch together or I could of been his wing woman.  I'm so used to this all ready but this time was different I actually liked him and I thought he liked me too.  This too shall pass I've been in love before but he betrayed me he lost my trust and now I will never trust a man again.  It's an hour to v day and I'm single which is fine.  It's sad that the guy you want doesn't want you but I have gotten calls from men that weren't him.  I wonder how long it will take me to move on.  So far two weeks isn't enough time but time will tell but until then 

It's probably over now

So I did a stupid thing.he asked me over I came.  He seemed to ask me what I wanted and we all know how in decisive I am so I went.  He didnt really want me I knew this because of his body language after he fell asleep I did the stupid thing.  I was drunk his roommate was there.  I was bored.  Also it was the wrong roommate.  He probably hates me now.  But if he actually liked me he wouldn't be so aggressive.  His aggressiveness was the reason I did that.  He pissed me off.  I don't think he actually likes me even if he says he did.  He is a lying manipulater and I'm glad it's over.  I doubt he will ask me to come over again.  His other roommate is really hot tho.  I royally "screwed" myself over.  #dammit

But wait

Is it over.  He called but I was busy.  I told him to call me the next day.  He didnt.  I should have know l.  If a guy calls you at 2:52 in the morning it's just a booth call and he doesn't really want hang out with you .

It's over

It's over.  We haven't spoken in a fortnight.  He stopped calling after I ignored his call on monday.  I don't mind. It's his faughlt.  I'm better off without him.  It is odd tho.  I can't stop thinking about him. 

Avoid him

How can you avoid someone when their sitting on top of you

Prostitute

The only way I can get what I want is through financial means

So like a prostitute ?

He's baaaack

So he texted me again.  Our texts went on for a few hours.  I was the last one to text him so now I can't text him until he texts me.  It's not like I can't live without him.  I have gone out with other men it just isn't the same.  It feels different now.  I still love him but I don't need him now I just want him.  I guess that means I've grown in a way.  He was all i thought about.  Comparing him to every new guy.  But it's obvious now he doesn't feel the same and I'm ok with that.  I'm ok with that because recently a few men have told me they love me and i didn't feel the same.  I felt bad for them.  I never told the guy i always assumed he knew.  Of course he knew.  He used to talk about me behind my back to my friends, his friends, and even a woman whose child I watched while she went out with her boyfriend.   I trusted that woman.  I'm too trusting obviously.   She made fun of my clothes , my intelligence and spoke about a crush I had on a boy to the boy himself, how that happened I have no idea,. I have major trust issues these days.  I can't take a compliment from a guy with out thinking he has an alternative motive.  Although that is usually true.  Most men compliment girls to sleep with them eventually.  Some guy told me he never realized how pretty I was.  And then tried something else.  I should have known.  I'm not accepting compliments any more.  I didn't create myself so technically I cant.