we first spoke on snapchat. it wasn't love at first sight but he did grow on me over time. I thought maybe he might like me. boy was I wrong. he was so adorable and nerdy. it was so cute. I knew something was wrong when he asked me to send him what he thought I had sent him before. that was the first clue. it all changed after that he got all wierd and angry. I still wanted him even though he said to me what he said to everyone else. he was a great distraction from the last guy I hoped we could have been friends. but he turned out to be like every other guy wanting pictures or nothing at all. I picked the latter and we were over just like that. I thought I was over him but I still think about him sometimes. it's hard when you fall for someone so quickly and they shove aside just as fast. we only knew each other for a month but that month was the happiest one I've had in a long time. I just wish it could have worked out but he blocked me now. apparently I have issues but as julia said you have them too. sometimes I wonder if I'm sabotaging myself because I like the pain but why would someone cause themselves pain. I miss him but it's over I'll move on soon but know I will dwell
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
I won't say it
it's been awhile since I've posted here. so many guys have come and gone. so many tears have left me. every guy I ever loved has made me feel this way. the way a deer feels as she sees her mother fall to the ground as blood spills out of the hole that was where the bullet hit. the same way a child feels walking alone in a great mall looking for her lost mother. the same way we all felt when bernie lost the election. I thought he liked me at least in the beginning but he never did and never will. he only wanted me for the night. if I knew at that time that it would be the last time he ever looked at me like that I wouldn't have pushed him away. I would have held on to that moment until dawn when I couldn't hold on anymore. when sleep took hold of me and time stood still for in our dreams we can do anything.