Guys list

Barry- first red head but didn't last 24 hours
Eric - first but had a girlfriend
Avi - never liked me only used me
Mathew - coke made him want me ghosted me since day 2
randy - left with a blond cuz I wouldnt put out
frank - said was looking for a relationship but admitted he lied
brian - was friends after he just stopped everything doesn't talk to me anymore I'm on week three of forcing myself not to text him
pawel - talked to on snapchat for a month wanted to meet 4 times then blocked me because I wouldn't send him nudes
ryann - first bengladesh guy I was ever attracted too I liked him but I was just a girl in a bar and he ghosted me then two months later he came back then ghosted me I'm currently not texting him he lied about a jaw injury he was cute tho

...

It's done

It's over I'm done
I said goodbye
The feelings that I felt
They just were a lie
That's the last time
that I will I ever cry
I fell for your charm
I didn't know why
You treated me like
A piece of a fry
The one that's dirty
The one that no one likes
I was stupid and drunk
I thought that you liked me
I guess I was just played
like a barbie
Except I had a heart
And you tried to choke me
You stole my heart
It's broken like a zombie
I'm over you now
So don't expect a peace treaty
I'm not a piece of land
I was something like a pawn
You traded me up
Because I wouldn't finish
Your loss boy
cuz I'm better than your new one
You'll find out later maybe even sooner
But I'll be gone by than
Like a buffet in a dinner

It's over

I'm done this is the last time he's going to hurt me.  I called on blocked and he asked who I was I heard a bunch of girls in the background.   I shouldn't have said my name.  As soon as he heard it he hung up and the dam broke.  I feel like I'm chasing waterfalls.  It's odd but now I know he positively hates me so now I can move on.  That took me long enough.   I feel like I always fall for guys that treat me like used gum.  And that's kind of true.  Maybe love just doesn't exist for me and it's only one sided

You'll be ok

it has been a fortnight and im still not over him.  He ghosted me at least that's what I think he did.  He hasn't answered my texts and my calls go straight to voice mail so he probably blocked me.  I don't understand I thought we were getting along I fell asleep for two hours it must be something I did when I was sleeping.   Or the fact that we were both really drunk and he got sober before me and realized I'm "ugly".  We got along so well I don't understand what I did wrong.  If I was needy it was because I knew this would happen.  That he would never contact me again and I wanted those moments to last forever.  It hurts to breathe sometimes when I think about him.  It was only for a few hours but It felt like so much longer.  It was ten hours.  I gave up ten hours of my life that I thought could lead to something.  Not like a relationship ,although that did cross my mind once or twice, but a friendship.  We could of had brunch together or I could of been his wing woman.  I'm so used to this all ready but this time was different I actually liked him and I thought he liked me too.  This too shall pass I've been in love before but he betrayed me he lost my trust and now I will never trust a man again.  It's an hour to v day and I'm single which is fine.  It's sad that the guy you want doesn't want you but I have gotten calls from men that weren't him.  I wonder how long it will take me to move on.  So far two weeks isn't enough time but time will tell but until then 

It's probably over now

So I did a stupid thing.he asked me over I came.  He seemed to ask me what I wanted and we all know how in decisive I am so I went.  He didnt really want me I knew this because of his body language after he fell asleep I did the stupid thing.  I was drunk his roommate was there.  I was bored.  Also it was the wrong roommate.  He probably hates me now.  But if he actually liked me he wouldn't be so aggressive.  His aggressiveness was the reason I did that.  He pissed me off.  I don't think he actually likes me even if he says he did.  He is a lying manipulater and I'm glad it's over.  I doubt he will ask me to come over again.  His other roommate is really hot tho.  I royally "screwed" myself over.  #dammit

But wait

Is it over.  He called but I was busy.  I told him to call me the next day.  He didnt.  I should have know l.  If a guy calls you at 2:52 in the morning it's just a booth call and he doesn't really want hang out with you .

It's over

It's over.  We haven't spoken in a fortnight.  He stopped calling after I ignored his call on monday.  I don't mind. It's his faughlt.  I'm better off without him.  It is odd tho.  I can't stop thinking about him.